Envy : Why Wanting What They Have is the Key to Getting What You Want

For fans of Chatter and On Our Best Behavior, a practical guide to teach you how to flip the script on envy.

Widely viewed as a negative aspect of human nature, envy can function as a powerful motivator for change and personal growth when viewed with the right lens. We all want things that other people have. It’s natural, yet we are ashamed of how it makes us feel—a mix of inferiority, ill will, and injustice. From a young age, we’re taught that comparison is the thief of joy. But as a first-generation Korean American, Dr. Stacy S. Kim was also raised viewing envy from a different lens—in Korea, people openly make social comparisons and express envy to better their lives.

As a social scientist and career coach, Dr. Kim spent years unpacking envy’s dichotomy, realizing that by expanding our view of what it can produce, we’ll ultimately be able to use it to our advantage. When we examine our envy in a more positive light, we can learn what we want, whom to emulate, and how to get it. Envy is for those of us who do everything we can to build our best life yet still find ourselves feeling behind. Thanks to social media and smartphones, we can experience this negative emotion at any hour, anywhere, and the feeling remains largely buried and unspoken. But through personal stories, interviews, and research, Dr. Kim provides concrete strategies on how to convert unexamined reckless use of envy into a guiding force and powerful motivator. You’ll learn how to:

• Recognize envy as a moral emotion, and how it can highlight social injustices and mobilize groups to create a greater common good.
• Understand why you can’t help but make comparisons and how to use them in a more strategic way.
• Stop feeling embarrassed about your desires and pay attention to what you truly want—not getting distracted by what you think you should want.
• Become more aware of your own potentially perfectionistic tendencies.
• Use envy to discover your life direction and build skills that challenge you.
• Deepen connections with people who matter to you, even when it can be difficult to do.
• Experience the satisfaction that comes from serving others and having an impact.

Within these pages, you’ll find that you have a choice: to use envy as an outlet for negative social comparison—or as a powerful tool to transform your life and decide what matters most to you.