How to Say Goodbye

“A poem to mortality and the beauty of how we can cope with it.”—Atul Gawande, author of Being Mortal

New York Times–bestselling artist Wendy MacNaughton shares wisdom from hospice caregivers: how to be, when to help, what to say—with full-color drawings throughout.

As artist-in-residence at the Zen Hospice Project Guest House in San Francisco, Wendy MacNaughton witnessed firsthand how difficult it is to know what to do when we’re sharing final moments with a loved one. In this tenderly illustrated guide to saying goodbye, MacNaughton shows how to make sure those moments are meaningful. Using a framework of “the five things” taught to her by a professional caregiver, How to Say Goodbye provides a model for having conversations of love, respect, and closure: with the words “I forgive you,” “Please forgive me,” “Thank you,” “I love you,” and “Goodbye,” each oriented toward finding mutual peace and understanding when it matters most.

With a foreword by renowned physician and author BJ Miller, and practical resources, How to Say Goodbye features MacNaughton’s drawn-from-life artwork from both the Zen Hospice Project Guest House and her own aunt’s bedside as she died, paired with gentle advice from hospice caregivers on creating a positive sensory experience, acknowledging what you can’t control, and sharing memories and gratitude. A poignant guide to embracing the present and deepening relationships during great vulnerability, How to Say Goodbye shows that just as there is no one right way to live a good life, there is no one right way to say goodbye. Whether we’re confused, scared, or uncertain, this book is a starting point.